honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
