We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
