The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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