No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
