I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
