I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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