Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
