Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
How does it feel to date your dad?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
