Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Do vagina's smell?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
