you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
