I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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