there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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