I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
