...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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