We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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