He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
