do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
