If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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