yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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