I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
