if you like me you must not know who I am
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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