walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
i now understand why vodka
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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