weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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