the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
