I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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