Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
My bed smells like the plague
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
