So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
