He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Randomize
