she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
