I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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