yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Brb crying the tears of my youth
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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