Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
