Plan B is the new Plan A
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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