just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
