I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize