I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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