so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
