You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
