i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
