he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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