I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
