I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
