i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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