his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
