i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
