4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
