The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
