It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
