He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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