just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
