Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
