OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
