me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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