Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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