she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
he was CRYING into my vagina
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize