I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
