You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
