I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
