I think im going to throw up on grandma
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
