You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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