i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
