I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
