At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I love having hate sex.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
