I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
