your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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