I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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