i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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