I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
