I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
These tits shall not be calmed
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
