Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
