Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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