i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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