I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
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What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
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I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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