i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
