I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
