i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
