After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
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