id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
