I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
