So drunk, too bad you don't want this
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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