her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
