I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
