i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
It's just like the Real World with babies
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
