I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
